Character
Insecure & Jealous
He will say that I am insecure and jealous….it has never been that.
I know what it feels like to be insecure within myself because I was as a child/ teen, but once I became a mother that flew out the window. So, I refuse to accept anyone’s projections as my truth when I know otherwise.
Jealous? Not that either. The women in his life or who have been are beautiful in their own right, but they never take anything away from my beauty and honey I know that I am beautiful inside and out.
I do however require honesty as how I move in a relationship should be my choice and mine only.
R likes to talk about himself and his people. He shares stories over and over and I pay attention. After being together for some time, I found out about a “friend” (J) that he never mentioned… and he has mentioned a number of women.
I found out when I was looking at his Blackberry features (I wanted one) while waiting for him to finish showering. I saw a text where he called her baby and then saw a picture that definitely showed more than friends and I could tell it was recent enough.
My intuition told me he was not being honest, but hey…he said they were friends and I had no solid proof. R said he did not care if I called her time and time again when I asked over a few years. I did once we married and J gave the same story word for word that he gave (preparation). R spazzed when I told him I called.
Something did not sit right about them so I asked about her a couple of times and looked in his phone a couple of times – this time actually looking for something and only related to her. I do not know how many other women or men I would have found inappropriate communication with if I was looking beyond J. And I told him each time I did.
R changed her name in his phone (remember I know the number) to “Harlem Slim” a name that sounds like a hip hop artist.
Long story short, at the end when I spoke with her again to tell her about his actions toward my daughter (since she was a “friend”) she spilled everything and every suspicion I had was true.
Insecure & Jealous Cont.
On the other hand from the beginning, I told R about my high school ex that I remained friends with for 15 years.
My actual, longtime platonic friend called inviting us (R & I) to a BBQ. I answered and spoke low but not a whisper (R was sleep)…as soon as I hung up he popped up claiming I was sneaking and he chose for us not to go to the BBQ.
When my daughters father got locked up for armed robbery and kidnapping (2nd charge dropped as it was not the case) R told me the day it hit the news. He never met my ex and never saw a picture. We were a few months away from getting married and still got married as planned. Anytime he was thought about was when R brought him up
Yet, he somehow decided to keep bringing up my child’s father who I had not had interest in, for over 13 years. I guarantee you that of those R has talked to about me he has spun some story about my daughter’s father.
He got upset because I took my daughter to see her siblings and her father without telling him while we were broken up pre decision to marry and prior to my daughter’s father being incarcerated.
I decided not to tell my daughter about her father’s arrest as there was a lot going on and little information. When she found out she asked about going to see him. I avoided the conversation until I could not anymore and decided to oblige, but I needed to know what the surroundings were like at a jail and her father’s mental state. I told Rahim of my plan and his jealousy came out.
R through his lawyer even brought my daughter’s father (In jail since the start of 2016) up in court in 2020 (held in relation to our son) to deflect attention from R’s actions or lack of.
It’s not just my ex’s. He is jealous of anyone that gets attention he is not getting. Y’all….I have witnessed him being jealous of our son a few times.
He has said that pretty girls are always with guys whose looks do not compliment theirs….this was always random and off topic, I now know these random comments were because he knew I was & am too good to be with someone like him.
Gossips: Everyone is Fair Game
Women are often the subject of his gossiping. He talks about men too, but nowhere near as much as women. I am convinced that he only likes women for self gratification. He seems to enjoy the essence of men over women.
Friends
The undercover friend; the friend who wants to buy 100 acres (R laughs at his goal because he allegedly can’t afford it); the friend who allegedly thought the woman he cheated with was pregnant in the weeks before he got married.
Family
His brother who allegedly does not keep a job; his mom because she allegedly divorced his father 8 years after he had a baby outside of the marriage and continued to do what he wanted (R blames her not his dad for them no longer having the house for him to inherit); The cousins who took from their father’s store for their bills causing him to allegedly go out of business; His maternal aunt and his paternal aunt’s handicapped husband.
The cousin who according to R is allegedly in everyone’s business and allegedly is not really “family”.
The cousin whose husband allegedly spent time in jail – me pointing out that they seemed to be doing well only upset R.
R often spoke negatively about his male and female cousins – telling the same stories time and time again. I remember the women cousins because those were the ones he made sure to point out at the family reunion while repeating the stories he previously told. The men cousins were not at the family reunion during the time we were there.
Celebrities
R speaks ill of Celebrities at all levels. He got mad after saying Avant got fat (2016) and I stated that he is carrying it well. R talks more about women celebrities from all eras and more often about those who are 90’s icons in Hip Hop and R&B from the Northeast.
Elderly
According to him people past 65 should not drive. His father was only a few years away from that age at the time.
Little people
He acts like he is in a scary movie anytime he sees a little person.
This is just a taste of how he talks about others. I guess doing so helps R to feel as if he lives a better life and as if he has made better choices.
Who I Know R to Be
- Throughout our ‘relationship’ R spoke about how he was doing better than his “friends” and how they, coworkers, family members, etc. were jealous of him….only for me to see his jealousy seeping out whenever their love for self continued to shine despite his disgust of them or when their blessings were acknowledged by me or others.
- While I was not critiquing him he felt like he was on top of the world. All the while trying to put me down and talking down about people he calls family and friends while promoting how much better he is. Once I started speaking up and expressing a couple of his shortcomings, he would get upset and try to make me think that I was expecting perfection while downplaying his behaviors… “I’m human”.
Nov. 27, 2017 Start of Conversation
Nov. 27, 2017 Halfway through Conversation
- On multiple occasions R would get upset over small things (plastic bags, his bonded leather couch peeling, etc.) and if I dared to say anything other than you are right or to do as he demanded, I was deemed to be wrong. He expected me to “respect” him while he constantly deflected, blamed, projected, and disrespected me.
- I noticed very early on he had a thing for being “cool”. Everyone growing up supposedly called him “cool Khas” or referred to him as “cool” on a consistent basis. He often boasted about his abilities but never acted on them, yet showed jealousy towards others who had. For example, he supposedly has the most IT certifications at his job and would easily qualify for a government IT job, but refused to apply where he could make double because he would actually have to work and could not do music related content on his work computer like he does at Atlanta schools.
- Despite his career choice, he has shown insecurity when he realized I was making $10k more than him annually which is not much and has never been a problem for me. Now I make more than that and he tries to use it to get out of Child support while downplaying his music endeavors ; at the same time he’s online beefing up his life and music endeavors.
- I have experienced and learned about multiple interactions in every area of his life where R only connects with others if he sees an opportunity for the connection to serve his ego and/ or other self centered motives. His ability to genuinely connect does not exist, but he fakes it well.
Who I Know R to Be Cont.
- He talks about “the white man” all the time placing blame.
*He just finished blaming the white man and I say that it is not on anyone white.
- He talks about the black family but does not really live by what he speaks.
- I liken R to William O’Neal in connection with Fred Hampton & the Black Panthers (look them up if you are unfamiliar), except he is not being pressured by law enforcement, but by his own mind to play a role that is not him.
- Based on my extensive experience dealing with his attacks and games, I have come to the conclusion that he does not like himself, so he seeks it elsewhere day in and day out by pretending to be who he thinks people will like and he’s had over 30 years to practice this role of Mirage w/ support from his father Mirage Sr.
- Once all of the pieces connected and the reality of the moment and the last 4 1/2 years set in (end of 2017/ beginning of 2018), I realized and told R, he’s a Narcissist (before everyone started loosely & frequently using the word). As a mental health professional, I still stand by this as he consistently continues to exhibit an array of narcissistic patterns and behaviors.