When The Person You Think You Know Does Not Exist
R tested positive for a lifelong STI (Hint: includes #2) – around July 2013 with Piedmont Physicians where First Georgia Physician Group is now located in Fayetteville, GA. He prolonged getting tested and we were already intimate by the time we got tested.
We tested at my insistence as it is a requirement for me and a requirement that we go to get tested together.
R called me days before the results were due back – they came back on the electronic portal. He was short and his tone was one of irritation and suspicion. R asked if I got my results yet and I had not checked yet.
R informed me that he wanted to look at our results together, so when I went to his house he told me that his results were positive and we each pulled up our results. Mine were negative and I could see his mood shift from ready to pounce to sulking.
I asked if he thought I gave it to him and he stated that it doesn’t matter.
Now that I know who he is at his core and how he maneuvers, I believe he already knew about his status and that is really why he prolonged testing. The emotions with the test results?? Well, I witnessed him creating narratives and convincing himself that the created narrative is reality.
For weeks, R went back and forth between saying he did not have it then saying that he did. Based on his research at the time, R showed me an article stating that at that time a number about half of what his showed could be a false negative. He even found out about a test done through the University of Washington but decided against getting retested.
Since he refused a second test, I asked R if we were not together would he tell any potential partners about his positive test and he said no. Major character tell. It grabbed my attention, but I excused it away.
R then went into this extended period of insisting he had it and told me when he thinks he got it – during sex with a girl who had a stench and was covering part of her vagina.
I tested negative, but decided to stay with him because I was “in love” with Mirage and felt Mirage was a great person….after all I would still deserve love if I was in that situation….but little did I know I was not in love with the real R.
I read stories where partners contracted this STI immediately and some contracted it as long as 5 – 10 years later with painful results. I was willing to chance that for somebody that was appearing to be an excellent man. I think that if I continued to see God’s signs as something other than warnings, I would have contracted this STI….but I still test negative years later.
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